Letter never intended to be sent

Beloved,

I was just wondering, when you flick water in his face in the shower, does he wait it out with a lopsided grin like I did? Does he laugh? Does he get you back? Ah, I doubt that – You never did take it as well as you give.

Can you pick him up and move him? Can you carry him with ease? Would you even want to, or was that a flaw with me?

And does he let you bite him? Let your teeth sink in.
Do they make a little ‘pop’ as they pull free of his skin?
Does he bare his throat to you?
Does he whisper “you can hurt me,” right when you need him to?

Well I was just wondering
If he’s the type of man to wake an hour before you to turn the heating on so you don’t get up to the cold.

And when you got your matching tattoos, did you look into his eyes and whisper-sing him a love song?
Was it the most romantic moment of his life too?

Does he make time for your hobbies?
Are his nails all worn thin?
Or have you gone back to tagging along, just a shadow of him?

Do you ask if you can keep him?
Does he ask if he can keep you?
Do you say, “It has to be for eternity”?
Does he say, “For as long as you want me”?
Yeah I was just wondering – do you see the irony?

Does he remember your stories and the way your Nan made chocolate crackles?
Does he bring out your jealousy and take away your loneliness?

I was just wondering…
I was just wondering…
Thinking in circles.

All the times you watched me with adoration and I blushed and said, “What?”
Were you comparing me to him? Imagining him? Wishing I was him?
When you replied, “I just love you”, who were you talking to?

Does he run into your arms?
Is he covered in your marks?
Do his neighbours know your name?

Tell me – does he treasure you?
Probably.
You’re worth the worship.
And you wouldn’t have picked me if I weren’t like him.

But yeah, I was just wondering.