Gay enough?

I am a big fan of the Own Voices publishing movement, it’s fantastic. It doesn’t remove the need for diversity and representation in books not written by minority authors, but it’s about time that minorities had a way to proclaim “I am the best person to tell this story because of who I am.”

That’s something you’re asked in pitch interviews or that you need to state in your query letter, too. Why you? Why are you the best person to tell the story you’re trying to sell? That might strike you as weird, particularly in high fantasy, (What qualifies anyone to write about dragons and other things that don’t exist?) but this is the reality of the publishing industry. 

Before I realised I could take control of my career and be successful as a self-published author, I attended a pitch session to sell Tir Rhaycorda Forsaken. As soon as I mentioned there were Elves, the agent said she wasn’t interested, (Elves are boring, no one wants them, apparently.) but following some advice I’d garnered along the way, I asked her to look over my stuff and give me her opinions – all Elves aside.

Somewhere in the discussion of characters and theme she asked me flat out “But are you gay? Are you part of this community?” This agent has recently been slammed on Twitter for her treatment of minorities, but at the time I only knew the nice things the conference booklet said about her. In hindsight I was like “Is she even allowed to ask me that?” And in case you’re wondering, no. No one should expect you to out yourself in order to sell your book! But at the time I gave her the answer I’ve given myself time and again: I’m married to a cishet man, my sexuality and gender identity don’t matter. 

You know what that is? Internalised bi-phobia. The idea that a bi or pan person ceases to be bi in the event they end up in a “normal” looking relationship – when in reality another person can’t change who you are or who I am. It will be a long hard road for me to accept myself as a “real” member of the LGBT+ community. This is one of the reasons I don’t tag my books as own voices; I just don’t consider myself queer enough.

It’s funny though, because everyone has their own idea about who you are. I am a different person inside the heads of everyone I meet. I have been taken for a lesbian countless times, but I’ve also been told I’m “too pretty to be a lesbian.” (Which, what the fuck??) I’ve been mistaken for a man, too, and secretly loved it.

Living in Sydney affords me a tonne of privilege in that nobody cares that I’m weird. No one has ever gotten up in my face about my witchcraft, even though my daughter tells everyone her mum’s a witch. No one ever makes an issue about my veganism (and I don’t make an issue about their non-veganism.) I’m honest about my struggles with depression and social anxiety and I’m met with support. People can probably tell, too, that I’m not a real woman. I don’t fall within the binary. But here, they don’t care.

My small town high-school was rife with homophobia, but as an adult I hadn’t had to deal with anything remotely similar until recently. And, not surprisingly, it came from outside The People’s Republic of the Inner West, my community.

Here’s the story: Every so often, I have to go through my newsletter subscribers and prune out those people who don’t open my emails, as the service I use to manage my newsletter charges their fees based on the number of subscribers. But, sometimes technology can be fooled. Sometimes the service tells me people aren’t opening when they are – they’re just reading through a different app or widget. Or sometimes readers are busy for a period of time, not uninterested. To find out, I send a very plain email just checking in with people. If they don’t open or reply to it, I remove them so I don’t have to pay their rent.

I recently took on this maintenance and I got the strangest, most flattering email I’ve received in my career so far. Here’s an excerpt:

“Sorry for not unsubscribing sooner. In the past year and a half, I have been sorting out my values and find myself far more conservative than I would have imagined. The content in your books were difficult for me to process with regard to sexual orientation, in particular. It is for no lack of your wit or skill that I found it eventually too difficult to sift through even your emails.”

I had to read it multiple times and then ask Deer Heart how he interpreted it, because I’ve never had someone unfriend me for being queer before. But there we have it: My books and newsletters are too gay. I am too gay. And I am not sorry in the least.

Here’s the important bit: Nobody knows you as well as you know yourself, and they all know a different version of you – a version coloured by their own experiences, biases, and beliefs. None of their opinions matter either, the only person who needs to like you is yourself. You are the only person who has to live with you forever. We can use other people’s input to bolster ourselves, or as a point of introspection if we’re getting too much negative feedback, but really, other people’s opinions of us are none of our businesses. Others have just as much power to warp our opinions of ourselves as they do bring clarity – so we should be taking those opinions with some blessed rock salt. That said, I kinda like the idea that I’m too queer instead of not queer enough.

Anyway, if the books you have been reading lately are too straight, too whitewashed, and overall too normal, I’ve got some books that will surely be gay enough for you. These links will take you to your favourite digital store, but you can also buy paperbacks online or order them in at your local book shop or library.

Blessed Prey – Be careful what you wish for, abuse can masquerade as kindness to the unwary.
Namesakes – When Medusa becomes her namesake, can she protect other from the same curse – or her own?
Namesakes Three Fold Return – Even monsters love, but to fall for their creator? Sick.

Miriam Cumming is an urban witch, devoted wife and the mother to three wonderful little goddesses. When she’s not supporting the emotional needs of the two resident felines or scraping squashed grapes off the floor, she enjoys playing with stickers and re-potting her house plants. If you want to keep up with all Miriam’s shenanigans and get lots of cool stuff to boot, you can sign up to her newsletter right here.