Help! My child hates school.

Afternoons were always my bane. Tired kids, short-tempered parent. After-school activities. Cooking dinner while children try to kill each other. But over the years I’ve developed the skills to make afternoons if not enjoyable, bearable. A distraught child can still give you a crappy afternoon if they’re determined, but most of the time coffee and a steady routine of 1) early dinner, 2) the crankiest child goes in the bath first, and 3) if in doubt offer hugs, will get the job done.

But mornings? Bugger me blue, the fucking mornings.

I said to the goddesses today that I never envisioned parenting to be like this. It’s as distressing to me as it is to them that most mornings start with raised voices. If by some miracle they aren’t fighting, that means it’s a school day and they are playing nicely instead of actually getting ready.

 There’s a poster on our home notice board, complete with pictures, to show them the five steps they need to take to be ready in the morning, but since remote learning ended, Artemis has doubled-down on her hatred of school and has decided if she just doesn’t get ready I won’t send her.

Now, I’m not the kind of parent to shame a struggling student by dropping them at school in their pyjamas – That’s just slack. But I will dress her myself and drag her to school no matter how late we are, no matter how many times I’ve done the walk of shame that week.

So here we are stuck in an endless cycle of pain. Artemis’s disdain for school is seeping into Bast, (who generally loves school and is a massive socialite,) because she’s easily distracted and who wants to get ready when everyone else is having fun?

It’s important to us that Artemis feels heard and valued. That her problems are addressed. I was bullied mercilessly through school, and as we were in a small town most of my tormentors remained in my classes from Kindy until I finally dropped out. I didn’t feel heard. I was advised that if I ignored it, the bullying would stop. They just wanted a reaction. They were just jealous. So I didn’t fight back. I didn’t engage. Tried my hardest never to let them see me cry. I won’t let my child be miserable and afraid for years on end. I won’t let her feel like I don’t care.

What’s not happening:

• Child-shaming.
• Homeschooling. I don’t have the patience or intelligence to home-school my child, even if I wanted to sacrifice a few years of my career.

What we are currently trying:

• I’ve contacted the school and am working with Artemis’s teacher. She’s organising talks with the school counsellor and has me keeping a diary about who Artemis played with at lunch and her overall behaviour. They say they will help me make mornings easier, but no word how they expect to do that. I imagine if Arty actually wanted to go to school, that would make mornings easier in itself.
  
• Getting up earlier. This might actually kill me, but we’re trying it anyway. I have trouble falling asleep, especially with Deer Heart still up doing whatever fun stuff men do. I’m a light sleeper. It’s an age-old fight between us, but he won’t go to bed earlier than 11, even if it would save his life. So though I go to bed early to compensate, there’s no guarantee I’ll sleep. But I need to be on duty, not just when the kids get up but before. Long enough before that I can care for myself without needing to think for them. The ‘children thinking for themselves’ strategy isn’t working.
  
• Teaching the kids how to “unfuck tomorrow”. Preparing the night before can change the outcome of the morning, and I shouldn’t be the only one doing it.

Where we will go from here:

• If the school’s effort to make sure Artemis always has a friend isn’t enough to make her want to go, then it’s likely academic struggles are the deterrent. In that case, we will likely hold her back a year for a do-over. She started young, so she will still be in the same age bracket as the other kids if she did repeat.
  
• I’d also look into having her tutored. I feel like the kids do more than enough schooling and after-school activities, and hate the idea of adding another, but if she’s not keeping up then I’ll get her whatever help she needs to succeed academically. I’m not interested in “unschooling.”

Regardless, we can not continue as we are. Parenting should be a joy. A connection. I want to return to that, even if my coffee budget goes up to compensate.

As always, thank you for being with me on my journey. I’d love to hear your suggestions.

Miriam Cumming has been a practising witch for over half her life, yet she always seeks mundane solutions before turning to metaphysics. When the little goddesses are sleeping, Miriam writes fantasy novels, plays World of Warcraft, and re-pots her plants in the kitchen sink despite her husband asking her to desist. You can learn more about the Wicce and her work on Instagram.