In defense of Valentine’s Day

Her law is love unto all beings.

That right there is enough to have me sold on Valentine’s Day. But, if I needed more…

All acts of love and pleasure are rituals to the Goddess.

You know even if the state of the world didn’t make me lose sleep at night, it’s likely I would still be in favour of a publicly recognised day devoted to one of the most important and positive feelings there is.

“But I don’t need a day to celebrate my partner” Yeah Ma, I know. You and about a billion other people say that every year. “I tell my spouse I love them every day. We should give gifts from the heart, because we want to, not because good marketing tricks us out of our money.” Yes, I agree with you, and I follow through. Every time I make spaghetti for Dear Hart, every time I notice his favourite choccy is half price, every embarrassing selfie I take and ridiculous cartoon I draw for him is a testament to my devotion. I’m no stranger to the “just because” gift or the love letter written because I can’t get him out of my head. But that doesn’t mean I reject the idea of joining in a celebration of love with everyone else.

No, I don’t need a day to show my beloved he’s still my world but by that same logic do we stop celebrating birthdays, too?

And you know what? Sometimes with work and kids and the business of just living life, our relationship does kind of slip off the back burner and splatter onto the floor with the rapidly-cooling pan rolling off behind the freezer into the never-been-cleaned zone. It happens.

No matter how aware we are, or how grateful, occasionally we will take our partners for granted. Maybe we will even take our frustrations out on them.

Most of the time love is uplifting. Freeing. But there are times you have to choke down your pride and admit that this marriage shit is taking a bit of work. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a pre-determined day that asked us to focus on the positive bits in the midst of that struggle? Don’t you think a holiday would be the best distraction, to have some sweet light-hearted fluff inject a bit of levity into all that ass-busting you’ve been doing, holding your shit together as you pick up yet another pair of filthy shorts that haven’t made it to the basket because maybe he could get one more wear out of them? No? That’s just me? Oh. Never mind then.

Granted, I did big fat nothing for Dear Hart last year. And the year before. We seem to be developing a pattern: I make an effort for our anniversary a couple of weeks prior and he surprises me on Valentine’s because I’m expecting nothing. It’s a good system and it makes me feel like we have half a month just dedicated to how much we love each other. Disgusting right?

If that’s not enough I like to still acknowledge the anniversary of the day we first met in person and then of course there’s Beltane. One day certainly isn’t enough for us; I can’t see why one more day would hurt either.

Yes, Valentine’s Day is commercialised. That doesn’t mean you have to spend big. You can be creative instead, or just plain thoughtful: “Hey love, I scooped the kitty litter, vacuumed and put on a load of laundry as well as doing my own jobs, Happy Valentine’s Day.” – Sounds romantic to me!

It doesn’t have to be a competition either, one upping other couples or even each other.

No, Valentine’s Day is not historically accurate. Neither is Christmas but most people still celebrate that. Everything is what you make of it with your attitude and spirit.

I reckon, anyway.

Here’s Dear Hart’s gift this year ->

Going solo this year? Don’t despair! There’s no greater love than books, and I just happen to have written this little romance. Books never ask you what you did all day or leave their dirty undies in the middle of the lounge room when you’ve got company coming (or ever.)

Books are the perfect love! A book never gets jealous that you spend your time with other books.

No matter how you do it, Happy Valentine’s Day!