Keeping the magic, without the lies.

I have a confession: I am in possession of a contradictory nature.

Santa is something I’ve struggled with, but a battle I lost. Before I had kids I was determined that I’d never lie to them, and now I find myself bullshitting just to get through the day. “Don’t stick your hand in the cash slot of the self-service checkout. The goblin that gives the change will bite your hand.” Yeah, it’s not Mummy being unfun again, blame the supermarket goblins.

Even now, when everything I don’t want to share has alcohol in it (at 10 am no less), I still cringe at the Santa thing, and I’ve had to do a lot of soul-searching and research to reach peace on the topic. (I’ll do a full blog on this one closer to Christmas.) 

Dear Hart was laughing at me the other day. I’d made some off-hand comment to Elen about the faeries, and he goes “but you don’t like Santa Clause?” Yes, I see why that seems ridiculous, but let me explain. 

I believe in faeries. And magick. So it’s not a lie.

But I have absolutely no excuse for the bunnies that show up in springtime.

Some families have elf on the shelf. We’ve got magic bunnies. They appear in the lead up to Eostre (pagan Easter. Pronounced the same,) bringing the children small gifts and getting up to mischief at night. One time they got themselves locked out on the balcony. Another morning the kids found them abseiling down the pantry cupboard. All year Elen asks when her bunny will come back. She likes Eostre better than Christmas.

Why am I fickle like this?

Whatever the case, the questions about magic are coming thick and fast at my place, not just because of the bunnies, but because everyone knows Mum’s a witch. Sometimes I bungle my explanations, but luckily kids love asking the same question day after day, so most of the time I get a do-over.

One thing Bast is really into right now is the Goddess; particularly her Goddess now that she’s seen pictures and heard some of the myths. She’s even started experimenting with what she can ask the Goddess for. (Apparently, the Goddess will not help you win cross-country races. Who knew?) Bast digs into why I believe what I do, from why I have my cat’s ashes in a box to why I chose to be a witch when genies have cooler powers.

That’s one of the tricky parts, teaching the difference between real magic (magick) and make-believe. How do I know my spells work when they don’t work instantly? How do I know the Goddess and God hear me? How come I still have to work if I can do magick? (From a six-year-old!) How am I supposed to explain that the Gods are real, but this man in a red suit is not? That sometimes we leave gifts for the nature spirits in the garden, but it was Daddy taking her teeth and leaving her money?

These are the things I worry about for when the goddesses are older because every stage so far has come before I expected it. I thought they’d be teens before they started eating me out of house and home; thought they wouldn’t have slumber parties until they were at least nine; wouldn’t have video games until they could read… They’ve already asked how babies are made. So I’m learning as I go what “age-appropriate magick” looks like. 

Elen at three could be trusted to use my athame to bless her own potion. She smudges the house, knowing which end not to touch. And she’s the first to declare “The Goddess is within me!” to take the biscuits I left as offerings the night before.

Artemis at five would rather meditate than grill me about the tools on my altar. She’s into crystals and stones, my mini-me. 

Bast is six going on sixteen. The other day she was worried because someone at school told her witches are evil, and she’s old enough to believe that I’m wrong more often than she’s right (which is always.)

I don’t know if I’m doing this parenting thing right, and the first kid cops all the experiments, but so far these are the kind of answers I’m giving:

• I know magick is real because my spells consistently work. (And I can provide examples.)
• This is what I believe. I might be wrong. You don’t have to believe the same things I do, but you have to respect what I and other people believe.
• No one can prove their Gods exist, but they can’t prove they don’t either. They could all be the same God using different names. Just be respectful, and you can never be wrong.
• I tell her when I’ve asked the Goddess for something, and what the response was.
• I explain that the Gods don’t talk in English, so you have to be paying attention to get their answer.
• The Goddess doesn’t have to prove herself to you.
• You can talk to the Goddess, the faeries, and dead family members any time you like. If you want to leave offerings or put things you find in nature on the altar, you are always welcome.
• It’s not okay to try and make people believe what you do, or make them afraid. Religion is personal. The Goddess will call those people if she wants them.
• The Goddess is inside boys and enbys as well. You don’t have to be a girl to be a Goddess.
• Holidays are based off the seasons as well as the different stages of the God and Goddess’ lives. These stories can help us make sense of the world, also presents are fun.
• Some people believe the earth is a thinking being (a non-human person) and/or a goddess. The Goddess is inside nature, as well as inside us.
• Be a good person because you are a good person, not because you think someone is watching.
• It is okay to ask questions. If I don’t know the answer we can look it up together.

I’d love to hear how you’ve tackled matters of spirituality and fantasy in your family. Do you weave incredible stories to nurture the children’s innate sense of wonder, or do you rein it in, conscious of your deception?

Miriam Cumming has been practising Wicca for over half her life and is rediscovering the world through the eyes of her three wonderful children. When she’s not looking for the earrings somefaery stole, she’s writing books, drinking coffee, and marvelling at the luck that got her this far.

If you’re interested in spells, Miriam has a free workbook coming out soon. Follow her on Facebook to stay in the know!