Mumbod: Poop workshop

When I imagined poop workshop, I pictured a similar deal to other workshops I’ve participated in. A small focused class, notebook required. Except this time, we’d be learning about bowels instead of branding. 

As it turned out, I was the only student there; thank the gods because I had to pull down my pants at one point. Not that I’ve never pooped in front of anyone before.

A few weeks ago I had the displeasure of having a defecating proctogram done, also known as a barium enema.  A very polite lady and her assistant filled my back end with cold white paste, and then invited me to sit on an adult sized potty in the middle of the room, where I was x-rayed while I pooped it all back out again. “Cough” they said, and “squeeze up as high as you can.”

I thought I’d be embarrassed but nope. It’s going to take a whole lot more than that! I don’t think I’ve shat without an audience once in the past four years anyway. Besides, this might be new for me, but these women do it every day, probably multiple times. No reason at all to freak out about it.

Poopagram was actually really fascinating, and with some explanation I could see exactly what the problem is and where. I haven’t been back to my colorectal surgeon yet, but I’m pretty sure I know how we’re proceeding. Because there’s a trapdoor. Like I told my GP. (This is called rectal prolapse, not to be confused with rectocycle, which I also have.)

Anyway, back to poo school.

I learned a few things I didn’t know, such as hemmerroids are actually a normal part of your bowel. They are supposed to be there, and aren’t just a horrible pregnancy side effect. They are supposed to remain inside though, so many of us only discover their existence when they become a problem. 

The function of these little blobs is lube dispensing. They lube up your poop for a more comfortable experience. Of course, you might never know you’re being lubed up, unless you have prolapse. A common symptom of prolapse is an excess of this lube, also known as butt snot, so if when you wipe, it’s like blowing your nose instead of your bum, you might have a little rectocyele or rectal prolapse.

Another fun fact I learned, that people on my plant based eating group need to know about, is that flatulence isn’t just a case of eating loads of fibre – it’s a sign your bowels aren’t getting enough water. Drink more water and suddenly those beans aren’t a musical fruit!

What else can you expect if you enroll in a poop workshop?  Lots of leaflets, a diet diagnostic (I passed with flying colours, not to be a bragger or anything,) an anal ultrasound and a magical butt plug that measures the pressure of your sphincter. All in all, I came out of the experience with a better understanding of my body, which is always recommended.

My only complaint was that I’ll need to return, do my exercises and work together with my nurse to attain the goal we set together: comfortable normality. 

I don’t want to go through life like this. I don’t want to worry that I’ll do further damage to myself. I want to be able to safely go on a junk food bender, and as I age I want to be sure I don’t become incontinent. It’s looking like a long road to recovery, but you know what? I’m worth every step.

As always, if you want to talk bodies, babies or poop, I’m here for you. Reach out in the comments, get on my mailing list, or shoot me a private message any time.