Why aren’t you vegan yet?

Let’s start this one with a disclaimer because I know exactly the type of arguments that are going to come my way. As soon as you mention plant-based diets or vegan activism someone cries “Oh but some people can’t eat a plant-heavy diet, they’ll die!” Here’s the thing, when you’re talking about making a change on a global level the tiny minority of the population who can’t live off just plants because they can’t handle the fibre isn’t the problem. You’re going through some harsh treatments for an illness and you can’t keep anything down except steak sandwiches? My friend, let me make you that sandwich. This blog isn’t for you.

If you tried to go vegan for three weeks, felt depleted and sick, then gave it up because you obviously need cheese without ever seeing a dietitian or plant-based doctor? I’m sorry, you don’t qualify. Not planning your diet properly and not giving yourself time to adjust isn’t “proof” that veganism is unhealthy or that your body needs animal products. But, even if it was, you still wouldn’t need to eat eggs or cows every single day to get that micronutrient you’re missing. And you wouldn’t be arguing, either. You’d be standing with the vegans trying to get other people to reduce their harm as much as practically possible.

But yes, just to be clear: I’m not going after the people who legitimately can’t cut all animal products from their diet. You (and your health care team) know if you’re in that tiny demographic. I’m also not claiming that veganism can solve all the world’s problems. This place is fucked up, nothing is going to solve all the problems. But it is an easy thing basically everyone can do. Something that saves you money, improves your health, and eases up the pressure on the environment. /End disclaimer.

With the Amazon being on fire, the climate crisis, and the mounting pressure for things to change before it’s too late for us humans, I thought it was time to write this blog. I’m going to invite you to argue with me, if you feel you need to, as long as you don’t start banging on about “man-made climate change is a myth” because it isn’t and if you’re allergic to science I don’t have time for your level of stupid. Cool? Let’s do this. 

I’m a witch, right? And what is witchcraft but power? All these people going on about how we shouldn’t try, we’re already doomed, this is a problem for the government… They’ve not only given up hope, they’ve given up responsibility. Adults all over the world are being schooled on responsibility by kids like Greta Thunberg.

Mate, I refuse to be powerless. I refuse to be part of the problem just because being part of the solution is branded as “extreme.” 

Let’s talk about extreme. Extreme is having an artery cut out of your leg and sewn into your chest. Extreme is billions of animals slaughtered every year for no reason. 
Yeah. NO REASON. 

Oh but they taste good? Fuck off with that selfish shit.

You know what tastes good? What you are used to. If you eat salad long enough, it tastes good. If I force myself to eat lots of deep-fried food for a while, it will stop making me feel ill and I will begin to crave it.

I’m talking to Miriam of the past here too. Miriam who bought into the weak vegan myth. We need meat to be strong. We need fish for our brains. Oh but be super careful when you’re pregnant, certain sea-life can cause miscarriage and fish high in mercury can damage your baby’s brain and vision. But we should totally fill our bodies up with this the rest of the time, yo.

I mean just look at all these weak-ass vegans.

Turns out “appropriately planned vegetarian diets, including total vegetarian or vegan diets, are healthful, nutritionally adequate, and may provide health benefits in the prevention and treatment of certain diseases. Well-planned vegetarian diets are appropriate for individuals during all stages of the life cycle, including pregnancy, lactation, infancy, childhood, and adolescence, and for athletes. ” (Source) and Miriam of the past didn’t know a damn thing about nutrition.

Apparently hospitals aren’t full of protein-deficient vegans, they are full of people with diet-related lifestyle diseases like diabetes 2 and heart disease, but I digress.

Now, none of us actually thought bacon was healthy, but pigs and cows are just animals, how are they possibly bad for the earth? And what’s this shit got to do with the Amazon? we don’t even live there!

You mention climate change and the boomers laugh and roll their eyes, “cow farts, whatever.” It sounds like a good joke, but the only joke is that few humans realise exactly how many animals we’ve brought into the world. Animals that the environment cannot support. Livestock don’t magically appear, we force them into the world. The Amazon fires are a land clearing exercise to graze your beef and grow soy to feed cattle in far off countries. And don’t “vegans eat more soy” me. The soy vegans are eating is the local non-gmo stuff but even if it wasn’t, a cow eats a lot more than a human does, so going vegan doesn’t necessarily equal more soy crops.

If that wasn’t enough, buying beef is directly supporting the racist actions of the Brazilian government. You’re using your money to say “I don’t give a shit about native people.” There are communities out there in the Amazon begging not to have their land set on fire. Even if you are buying local beef, can you guarantee those cows aren’t eating soy grown overseas?

You have the power not to contribute to that. While we are at it, the gas emissions from cows clears out of our atmosphere faster than CO2. So if humanity can drastically lower the demand for meat, we can see a fairly swift repair of our ozone. If that’s not powerful, what is?

So is it the farts from the pigs too? Should we just eat white meat? Sadly, it’s not just the cows. I don’t know why cows (who are much cuter than pigs) get all the flack, but pigs make methane too. While we are talking about farts though, let’s talk about shit. Do you know where all that pig poop goes?

A pig shits five times more than a human. That poop goes into a “lagoon” (or a “pond” as we call it in Australia.) Yeah. A big open-air pool of waste. Cool, right? And when the pool gets full, what happens then? The farmers spray the shit into the air, fertilizing the fields and poisoning their neighbours. If you need a visual, see the image at the top of this post. In case you’ve forgotten, shit stinks. You can learn more about American pig farms here, or Aussie ones here.

But that’s okay, right? Because it’s not our air being filled with pathogens. It’s someone else’s problem and they should just move. No need for us to take any responsibility at all.

There are massive issues with the production of poultry, and fishing too, but we don’t have all day. The information is all there and it’s readily available. If you want to educate yourself, you don’t need me. But change seems hard, so no one wants to be educated. Yep, that includes me.

Science tells us that animal agriculture is terrible for the environment. Science also tells us that animal products are terrible for our health, but you don’t hear that as much simply because the companies selling those products have huge amounts of money. They can pay for “research” to “prove” their healthfulness, knowing most people aren’t going to ask “who funded this study?” They can pay for heart foundation ticks. They can pay to have their dogma shoved down the throats of our children in the public school system. The Whole Food Plant-Based Diet is the only diet proven in clinical trials time and again to reverse heart disease and cure a whole slew of other ailments, but whilst plant-based doctors have the science, they don’t have the money.

There’s also the whole cruelty thing, but let’s be real no one cares. Yeah, we all say we love animals because we don’t want to look like monsters, but we don’t. No one actually cares that a hen can talk to her baby before it hatches, or that lobsters are intelligent and feel fear as we boil them alive. You don’t care that male chicks are ground up at birth, you probably don’t even know that the chickens who lay eggs aren’t the same ones we eat. Hell, the number of humans who don’t consider fish to be animals simply because they live in the water and have no hair is staggering, never mind trying to get them to understand that fun creatures like turtles and dolphins are caught in fishing nets and killed in droves.

We don’t have to care. We don’t even have to think about it. That’s what being normal looks like. 

Except witches aren’t normal to begin with. We don’t have a bible telling us the animals were put here for us to use. We’ve adopted a traditionally hated, feared and reviled title as our own, and we wear it proudly. Maybe that’s why I don’t have an issue saying “I’m vegan.” I still flinch when I say it, but I’m brave enough to do so now. Hate me all you like, I deserve it for all the nasty shit I said about vegans, all the times I asked my vego friends to just pick the meat out, like it wasn’t a juicy dead body in there (I am so sorry).

I am what I am, and if I want to be Wiccan, if I want access to everything the old gods offer, I need to abide by the rede of “harm none” to the best of my ability. If I’m going to belong to a nature-worshipping religion, maybe I should stop paying someone to spray pig shit all over it. Basic stuff, really.

So that’s where I’m at. Those are my thoughts, as messy as they might be. I’m partly venting, partly answering a question I get all the time.

Why did I go vegan?

Simple. I ran out of excuses.

Miriam Cumming isn’t just an annoying vegan. Most of the time she’s a simple nerdy mum making her way from one cup of coffee to the next, writing fantasy stories and having a laugh. But the state of the world keeps her awake long into the night, and sometimes her mouth gets her into trouble. If you got this far without wanting to send hate mail, you should follow her on Instagram.